Earth Has No Sorrow That Heaven Cannot Heal

A quote from Thomas Moore.

A must read book for every person- The Shack

Breathe in me.....deep
That I might breathe.....and live
And hold me close that I might sleep
Soft held by all you give

Come kiss me, wind, and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone

And no one knows that we exist
Wrapped in each other's arms
Except the One who blew the breath
That hides me safe from harm

Come kiss me, wind, and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone


Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading.

I read this book in just a matter of hours.

James- Our Son on Loan from Beth

The top photo is JJ with his girlfriend Justine.

The top left photo is JJ's family. His siter Janine, Uncle Fritz, Aunt Sue, his oldest sister Robin, and his Uncle Joe.

The bottom photo is his senior night swimming picture with his sister Janine.

JJ and his sisters came to us when their mother ,Beth, passed away unexpectedly from chemo treatment. To keep the kids to gether in one house we asked them to come and join our family. Of course we warned them that Buck and I are dull and boring people. We aren't rich, the house is just a house....so life wasn't gonna be all easy and comfy. Our idea of excitement is curling up on the floor and watching a DVD or some sporting event, or my obsession with my witches, bitches, and midget shows. At least that is what Buck calls them. It is really Paranormal, Jon and Kate plus 8, and Little People Big World.

James or JJ. ......we had two sons of our own so how hard could trying to finish raising another boy be. Well...........he is full of surprises and NOOOOOOOOOOOO it hasn't been easy but definetly worth it. As he has matured into a young man so has our ways of dealing and helping a kid grow-up. We have always adhered to the policy of giving a person rope. If they chose to hang themselves with it then you adjusted the rules and the rope. Well, we have had to throw that out and come up with a new game plan. JJ has hung himself so many times that we knew what we used in raising our boys was not gonna work with helping JJ grow up, learn what life is really all about, and learn about what is really important.....family.

JJ's mom had protected the kids from so much of what was going on with her health. They had no clue she had battled cancer for 10 years, she protected them from their alcoholic father [ who for some unknown reason pretends these kids don't exist the majority of the time], she wanted so much for them to have as normal of life as possible so she went overboard in giving them freedom to do a lot of things. From his 7th grade year to right now this boy has watched mom and dad seperate and then divorce, move 4 times, been involved in a horrific accident that virtually left one of his best friend's in a wheelchair, unable to walk, talk,......so sad, get his girlfriend pregnant and then give their little girl up for adoption, get a underage dui [ got reduced to failure to control but.....amazing what some $$$ and a lawyer can do.} and then a few other dents and curves. But as you can see just a lot of shit for a kid to grow through. He's still standing and that in and of itself is amazing.

He has two great sisters. Sometimes he may not appreciate it but they would do anything to help him and I believe he in turn would help them. The one thing we hope they have learned from being with us is to turn to family. In the end the ones standing beside you are gonna be your family members. So it is important to keep ties and nurture them.

The most heartbreaking moment for me with him was a day when he came home from school. He just busted out crying and said "I want my Mom, I need my Mom". What can a person do but just hold him and let him cry, let him know we love him and would do anything we can to help him but he asked for the one thing we cannot give to him. It's times like that when I'd like to boot his dad in the ass for never being around to help his son. What the hell!!!! You father three great kids and you just run off and let them try and make their way through life without a mom or a dad. I just don't understand people like that. I would give my life for my kids and this sperm donor wouldn't give $10 for his.

We have also recommended counseling for him and he agreed with no hesitation. So he goes and we hope he is making the most of the help they offer to him. He has a lot of stuff to sort out and file away and hopefully they can help him get some of the files in order.

I know the move to Carey in a few months has them all on edge as to what they will do. We have let them know they have a home there. Whether they want to live there....I honestily don't know but we cannot continue to put our lives on hold for others. Our live is gonna be in Carey and whoever wants to be part of that will come with us........otherwise I guess they will have to learn to fly on there own. We have done and will continue to offer them a home a place to crash....but as young adults they will have to decide what direction they want there future to take.

Odds and Ends

Arabella and Adam. Adam will be a great daddy. He loves his little niece.

Arabella smiling as usual. Sitting on one of my garage sale finds. I have a habit of looking for anything old and oak and usually will buy iy if it is cheap. I got this chair and a matching smaller one for $25.

The dog above is my buddy Leo. I had to take him to the groomer yesterday. $100 later he was clean, mat free, and sporting a green bandana. I knew it was gonna cost a lot because he was a MESS> Chris did a great job with him and I guess the whole place got along well with him. The one girl said he is such a loving dog!!!!! UMMM I have many a person that he absolutely hates and he won't let them lay a finger on him. The poor Schwan man hides when he comes to the house because he thinks Leo is gonna break through the door and kill him.

It's a boy. Adam and Kristel have a baby due in July and it is a boy. So far everything checks out well which is a blessing. They are extremely happy and have been throwing out some names but I will leave those pronouncements to the happy couple. I like the names and would be happy with either.

The New Money Pit- well I guess we all get curveballs thrown our way. Just in different shapes and sizes. With the deluge of rain we got we found many many leaks in the roof of the house. Many Many leaks. The basement had a spot that water was just pouring in from. Buck and Adam got a temp. fix done there but the only fix for the roof is a new one. Buck, Luke, and Adam plan on tearing off the two or three layers of shingles that are on it now and then Jason will put down the new roof. Our theory of this is , we need help, and if your gonna pay someone, it might as well be family and Jason knows what he is doing so we are glad that at least we can trust the work of the person putting it back on for us.

Our weekend is filling up fast. TOO fast. Hopefully we get everywhere we are suppose to be on time etc. Oh well....better to be too busy than have nothing to do and no place to go.

I mailed out everything that I had to send yesterday. YEAH. I have a habit of not getting things where they need to be on time. I am actually sending out little care packages to Arabella. I bought here some Berenstain Bear books. She loves to have you read to her. She can have people read to her for hours on end....the same book for hours on end [ thumbellina} ...... so grandma and papa are sending out books every few days for her. I think she will love getting her own mail when mommy and daddy are opening theirs. I found this cool bubble envelopes that come in colors so it won't just be the ugly brown envelope.

The missed phone call

Darn It. Adam and Kristel tried several times to get hold of me this morning and I was outside. When I got back in and realized I missed the call I was waiting on well......I was not happy. I tried to call but Kristel said I have to wait till Adam gets off work so they can tell me together.

So now I get to see how time can drag while I wait for 6pm to roll around. Maybe I will scroll something. It always makes time go faster. You get so busy with the work that you fail to realize that 5-6 hours have gone by.

Back in September it was hard to realize how quickily March and April would roll around. It's almost time to pack and move to Carey. I swear the one thing that mom kept telling me as a kid holds so very true in my own life. She said that as you get older time seems to be fly by so much faster. As a little kid a day seemed to last forever but as a middle aged adult 24 hours, a day, a week, all seem to fly by and you have no idea how it all happened so fast. You swear the clock is on hyperdrive.

You were invincible as a kid, a teenager, and even in the early 20's. Fifty was OLD and now Istand at the threshold of the age that I thought was ancient. LOLOLOlolol............. time waits on no one and you either grab on and go for the ride or spend all your time fighting. I think I'll stay in the saddle of life and see what the rest of it has in store for me.

Geez I new subject

Exciting......we find out what Adam and Kristel are having tomorrow. Of course we just pray that they have a healthy baby. And I really have no preference and I really haven't heard Adam or Kristel express a yearning one way or the other. Just the mantra that they want the baby to be healthy.

I only wanted boys....didn't feel I had what it took to parent a female and God must have agreed because I was only blessed with males. But the granddaughter is quite the blessing so another little rose in our garden would be just fine or an ornery little boy [ don't know a flower to equate a boy with....maybe a stinkweed!!!!!!]

Why I believe what I do-

From the time I can first remember as a small child I always felt that I had the choice to be here on earth. That I was somewhere else before I came here. That I was here for a reason or reasons, that I am suppose to grow here and become a better person "spirit". I know weird thoughts for a little kid and then a young adult but it was and is what it is.

I believe, contrary to what many others will tell you, that there is good in all faiths [who believe in a good higher power]. I have had the opportunity to worship and attend a fairly wide number of churches and in only one did I ever feel comfortable. One that my heart told me from the very beginning was where I needed to be. Does this make me believe that all the others are wrong? heck no......just that every person has a place in a faith, any faith, that will make them feel good inside. The right place at the right time for them in their own spiritual growth. I believe just as we all grow on the outside at different rates, such is our spiritual growth. There are good people in all religions, in all countries, in all economic stations of life, that are ready to touch the lives of others who are in need. The Lord uses many people in many ways. I am not catholic but a great example of this is Sister Teresa. How can anyone question her faith, her love of the Lord, or her compassion and love of her fellow man.

I will always believe that we will be measured in the world to come by the love in our hearts. I don't believe that weekly attendance in a pew at the local church guarantees us a free ticket in the world to come. The drunk in the alley can be a far better christian than the man who sits in the front of the church every Sunday. We will be held accountable for the way we treat others. As hard as it is for me, I know I have to let go of the anger, hate, envy, bitterness, the unwillingness to forgive others, and other traits that are not pretty. If you cannot forgive others how can you ever learn to forgive yourself. There is the power of both postive [good] and negative [ bad] all around us and we have the CHOICE to decide which we want to lock onto.

My own personal stumbling block is the guilt and misery cycle. I have to learn to let go of the past and all that went with it. It is tough but if I don't then it is easy to get depressed. Moving forward, ever forward, if only a step at a time is my mantra. The traits I mentioned above do nothing but destroy the soul. An anchor that drags you downward when we really are trying to move upwrads. I am learning to be thankful for each day no matter the challenges that may come with that day. I am here, I am alive, and that is reason enough to give praise to the Lord.

As humans we love to judge others. I am just as guilty as the next person of this ugly trait. But, I have no right to judge another person. In the end I am going to be judged by the same yardstick I used to judge them. In all fairness there is no way to measure so there is no way to judge.

I have seen the results of doing good things for others without thought of what I will get in return. This is the "pay it forward" or "ripple effect" If you do good to me I will do good for others and of course the opposite would hold true too. Bad breeds bad. If God is truly keeping a life book on each of us I think we get alot more extra credit for the good we do for others that nobody else knows we did. The good we bring into someone elses life where we don't advertise to the whole town that we did it.

Prayer- Oh how I struggle with this. My prayers are more like conversations with God. Nothing that is elaborate, wordy, elegant, or worthy to ever be put on paper. But I believe I pray from my heart and I think that is what God wants to hear. He knows my thoughts, concerns, desires, and the forgiveness I seek. I believe all sincere prayer is heard and answered. We may not agree with the timing or the reply but he does hear and answer us.

I do not believe we are puppets on a string. I do not believe our life is foreordained. We have our freedon to choose and the choices we make play a major role in how our life plays out. I believe God knows are needs and wants but if we are selfish enough not to seek him out in prayer then we honestly cannot expect to receive an answer or the blessings.

Why do bad things happen to good people- if I said because that is life even I hate that answer. It absolutely sucks. God does not create the bad or the accidents nor does he necessarily interfere to prevent them. Car accidents, murder, airplane crashes....they just happen. Poor choices, faulty equipment......life.

I will use my nephew Brett as an example of my next belief. I hold steadfast to the belief that some people [ spirits, children, babies} are so far down the spiritual growth path that there time here may be ever so brief, if at all. They may come to us so that each of us may continue to develop spiritually. These are the deaths that tear at your heart the most. We can almost accept the passing of an elderly grandparent because they had a chance to experience all the earth has to offer. But a child or a baby.....trying to learn the why can rip at your very soul. But I believe Angels walk amongst us, we often don't know it.