JJ

For those who don't know JJ is our son on loan from his mom Beth who passed away nearly 3 years ago. Beth and I had known each other for about 3 years and she and I always said JJ and my oldest son were twin sons born of different moms.

Beth knew she was ill with cancer but none of us new she would pass so soon. We just weren't even in that book when it happened. But time and life waits for none of us. It doesn't care whether we are ready or not. Beth has said she hoped the kids could come live with us. She hoped that JJ would observe Buck and see how a husband and Father are really suppose to act. She also had hoped the my youngest son, Adam, could mentor JJ like a little brother. But here again, timing was just bad. Adam was in college at the University of Dayton and he also played football. And he had a girlfriend of nearly 8 years. So his time was pretty well spoken for. Luke , my eldest son, was working in Columbus, going to school to get his Master's and was about to get married.

When I say JJ is not a bad kid, it is true. You look at some of the not so bright things he has done and you really have to wonder but......at his core he is a good kid.
Over the past 4 years he has watched his parents seperate then divorce. His father is an alcoholic and his mom just couldn't deal with all the drama of that plus her own illness. He was in a horrific accident that has destroyed the life of a very good friend. JJ spent over a month in the hospital and went through several surgeries. He and his girlfriend found out she was expecting. They carried the baby girl to term and then put her up for adoption through a Christian adoption agency. A tough choice and a rough time for juniors in high school to go through. But they are still together as a couple and that is great. JJ has an underage DUI that got reduced to failure to control. And now his last pothole- taking my narcotic painkillers. He is smoking weed and doing some drinking also. Buck and I just do not believe in this kind of behavior and choices for anyone let alone a 18 [ soon to be 19] year old that lives in our home. HE KNOWS BETTER. He can make so much better choices that to get high and wasted and God knows what else when he is using my meds.
Everyone told us to turn him into the police. I just could not do that to him. A drug charge on a young person heading into college just is not good. Kentucky would have told him to stay in Ohio, they wouldn't take him. I won't be the one who screws his future up. If he wants to do that he can do it without my help. So we have set down new ground rules for his future behavior and what we expect him to do this summer. Plus he always has the option of moving out on his own.
I wish he would realize that his behavior and the way he acts is all up to him. His peer group does not and cannot control him unless he allows it to happen. THE CHOICE IS HIS. He is in control but the minute he gives into the poor choice then he has lost control and that is what we are trying to get him to understand. We know that everyone does stupid stuff, it is part of growing up. It is how we learn and grow but when stupidity turns into idiotic behaviors that can harm others it's time to put the brakes on and that is what we have done to JJ. If he cannot make good choices for himself then we will remove him from the places that aren't healthy for him until he is confident enough in himself to say hell no, I don't wanna get high, I don't wanna get plastered, and I am not stealing someone elses painkillers to get my kicks.

We have talked and talked to him and we believe he is listening to some of it. We hope he understands we only want the best for him. We want to see him succeed. But we also know that he will not succeed if he cannot stand up for his core values and say NO. If these people are really his friends then it shouldn't matter but these kids now adays believe the harder you party the better.

We will continue to try and guide him to better choices but at this point JJ has to step up and take control of HIS LIFE. He is not a little boy anymore that needs to have his hand help to walk across the street. He can get there all by himself and he can get there safely if he just listens to his heart and soul and what it is telling him everytime he is faced with one of these choices.

We continue to work with him because we made a committment to his mom to finish raising him and helping him. It would be different if we felt he was a lost cause and that he didn't care....but again we know he is a smart kid, a kid whose mom taught him right from wrong, a kid who has a conscience that is telling him when he is making a poor choice.

We wish things were different for him. You never want to see a child without his mom and dad. His mom passed away, she had no choice but his Dad chooses to not be a part of any of the kids life. How tough must that be to know your Dad doesn't care one way or the other. I would be so damned pissed at him if I was JJ. I'm not making excuses for him.

I believe in JJ. I believe he will turn this pothole into a positive. I believe he wants to succeed, he wants people to be proud of him. Most importantly he wants people to love him for who he is not because of the circumstances that have come into his life.

Life happens to all of us. At times there is nothing that seems fair about any of it but as long as a person is breathing you can make things better, you can turn things around. You can choose to let life beat you down and keep you down or you can get up off the ground and make a better life. I believe JJ will get up off the ground and choose the better part of what life has to offer to him