Lessons I have learned and More

I've Learned That :

1. You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes, after that you better know something.
2. We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
3. You shouldn't compare yourself to the best that others can do.
4. That you can keep going long after you think youo can't
5. You should always leave loved ones with loving words, because someday it will be the last
time you see them.
6. Sometimes the people who you expect to kick you when your down turn out to be the ones who help you get back up.
7. Money is a lousy way to keep score.
8. Sometimes when I am angry I have a right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
9. Just becasue someone doesn't love yoou the way you want them to love you does not mean they do not love you.
10. Never tell a child that their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
11. No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
12. Just becasue two people argue doesn't mean they do not love each other, and just because they argue doesn't mean they do.
13. Sometimes it is hard to draw the line to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings, and standing up for what is believe.
14. You shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
15. NO MATTER HOW BAD YOUR HEART IS BROKEN, The world doesn't stop for your grief.
16. Heros are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done regardless of the consequences.
17. Are backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
18. It's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

My eldest son

Luke,

Your Dad and I are so proud of you. You are seeing the success of your hard work and the dedication you put into your job. Good things happen to good people.

A lot of doors are opening at once for you and I know you will make all the right choices. Never doubt that you can do the job and do it well. You have a lot more of your dad in you than youo think.

Even if all the doors for your job and future education were to close you still will have the two most important things in your life. Your wife, Angie, and your beautiful little girl, Arabella. Together with them there is nothing that you cannot get through.

You have so much to offer the kids you are working with. Hopefully they will take advantage of it and get there lives turned around to where they learn to make the better choice.

Hopefully you get a chance to come help put on the roof. I think Dad and I are staying over this week so we can move some beds over there so people ahve a place to crash.

The Eagle

After we got home from Carleigh's funeral we went to our house in Carey. I think we both just needed time to reflect on our own personal feelings from the day. We were standing up by the pond and I looked up into the sky and saw our bald eagle. I pointed it out to Buck and told him "There is your Eagle". Maybe it was Carleigh just letting us know her spirit is free now to soar to new heights and to let us know she is fine. It was cool cause the sun was setting and there was that pretty pinkish cast in the sky and the one lone Eagle soaring above us.

This picture I took when we went to the Toledo zoo. These are such majestic birds.

We are getting closer to the move to Carey. The house has kinda become the moneypit here lately but upkeep on a home can be that way. We've had to get a new roof, clean out the septic ssytem, work on making a swale in the yard to get rid of water that lays out in the yard, cut down 2 trees that were hazardous, and our next will be getting something to mow with. Obviously it will not be the tractor we wanted but that is fine. All things will come in there own time. I can mow with a push mower if that is what it takes to keep the yard mowed.

A few Weeks

It has been a while since I have posted. Just taken some time to try and sort through so much.

We were suppose to make it to a prayer service for my niece and her family. We got started and we never made it the rest of the way. Why? There are times when you start to do something for all the right reasons but it is wrong. To give a condensed version; one of the people with us felt they were being kidnapped to do something they had not totally agreed to. How do you force a person to do something their heart is not totally into. I was torn into. How do you force someone you are suppose to love and respect to do something they feel you tricked them into. I couldn't, and we didn't but ultimately it lead to what I feel was someone making all the right choices for all the right reasons. When you let someone come to their own decsions without forcing what you believe on them , they will make the right choices. It let me have some great conversation with my mom. In the end all she really wants is all of us to respect her enough to let her decide what she wants. She is an intelligent caring lady and we need to treat her in that way. She doesn't need to be told what to do and how to do it. I know I need to respect her right to believe as she does more. I have no right to force my beliefs and thoughts on her.

She went to Wilmington for the birth of her great grand daughter Carleigh. She went to show her love and support. It was a gift we could give to my brother and his family by having his mom there. I don't care how old we get we all need to know our parent/s love and support us in both the good times and the hurting times. Without anyone forcing her to be there she asked if she could ride along with my hubby and me. Of course we took her.

We had the opportunity to take her to the funeral also. Buck so enjoys chatting with my mom. Sometimes he picks on her but he really likes having her with us. I know she always feels like a 5th wheel but we don't look at it that way at all. Mom made all the right choices by showing her support for her son and his family. The difference is we allowed her to say I want to be there. NOBODY told her she had to do it and that is such a huge difference.

I saw so much positive come out of this past week but there will always be negative too. I cannot believe that two family members failed to go to either of the opportunities they had to show support. I cannot understand how you can not say or do something. But they are the ones who have to live with the choice they made and that is really what life comes down to. CHOICES. you live with the consequences.

Earth Has No Sorrow That Heaven Cannot Heal

A quote from Thomas Moore.

A must read book for every person- The Shack

Breathe in me.....deep
That I might breathe.....and live
And hold me close that I might sleep
Soft held by all you give

Come kiss me, wind, and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone

And no one knows that we exist
Wrapped in each other's arms
Except the One who blew the breath
That hides me safe from harm

Come kiss me, wind, and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone


Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading.

I read this book in just a matter of hours.

James- Our Son on Loan from Beth

The top photo is JJ with his girlfriend Justine.

The top left photo is JJ's family. His siter Janine, Uncle Fritz, Aunt Sue, his oldest sister Robin, and his Uncle Joe.

The bottom photo is his senior night swimming picture with his sister Janine.

JJ and his sisters came to us when their mother ,Beth, passed away unexpectedly from chemo treatment. To keep the kids to gether in one house we asked them to come and join our family. Of course we warned them that Buck and I are dull and boring people. We aren't rich, the house is just a house....so life wasn't gonna be all easy and comfy. Our idea of excitement is curling up on the floor and watching a DVD or some sporting event, or my obsession with my witches, bitches, and midget shows. At least that is what Buck calls them. It is really Paranormal, Jon and Kate plus 8, and Little People Big World.

James or JJ. ......we had two sons of our own so how hard could trying to finish raising another boy be. Well...........he is full of surprises and NOOOOOOOOOOOO it hasn't been easy but definetly worth it. As he has matured into a young man so has our ways of dealing and helping a kid grow-up. We have always adhered to the policy of giving a person rope. If they chose to hang themselves with it then you adjusted the rules and the rope. Well, we have had to throw that out and come up with a new game plan. JJ has hung himself so many times that we knew what we used in raising our boys was not gonna work with helping JJ grow up, learn what life is really all about, and learn about what is really important.....family.

JJ's mom had protected the kids from so much of what was going on with her health. They had no clue she had battled cancer for 10 years, she protected them from their alcoholic father [ who for some unknown reason pretends these kids don't exist the majority of the time], she wanted so much for them to have as normal of life as possible so she went overboard in giving them freedom to do a lot of things. From his 7th grade year to right now this boy has watched mom and dad seperate and then divorce, move 4 times, been involved in a horrific accident that virtually left one of his best friend's in a wheelchair, unable to walk, talk,......so sad, get his girlfriend pregnant and then give their little girl up for adoption, get a underage dui [ got reduced to failure to control but.....amazing what some $$$ and a lawyer can do.} and then a few other dents and curves. But as you can see just a lot of shit for a kid to grow through. He's still standing and that in and of itself is amazing.

He has two great sisters. Sometimes he may not appreciate it but they would do anything to help him and I believe he in turn would help them. The one thing we hope they have learned from being with us is to turn to family. In the end the ones standing beside you are gonna be your family members. So it is important to keep ties and nurture them.

The most heartbreaking moment for me with him was a day when he came home from school. He just busted out crying and said "I want my Mom, I need my Mom". What can a person do but just hold him and let him cry, let him know we love him and would do anything we can to help him but he asked for the one thing we cannot give to him. It's times like that when I'd like to boot his dad in the ass for never being around to help his son. What the hell!!!! You father three great kids and you just run off and let them try and make their way through life without a mom or a dad. I just don't understand people like that. I would give my life for my kids and this sperm donor wouldn't give $10 for his.

We have also recommended counseling for him and he agreed with no hesitation. So he goes and we hope he is making the most of the help they offer to him. He has a lot of stuff to sort out and file away and hopefully they can help him get some of the files in order.

I know the move to Carey in a few months has them all on edge as to what they will do. We have let them know they have a home there. Whether they want to live there....I honestily don't know but we cannot continue to put our lives on hold for others. Our live is gonna be in Carey and whoever wants to be part of that will come with us........otherwise I guess they will have to learn to fly on there own. We have done and will continue to offer them a home a place to crash....but as young adults they will have to decide what direction they want there future to take.

Odds and Ends

Arabella and Adam. Adam will be a great daddy. He loves his little niece.

Arabella smiling as usual. Sitting on one of my garage sale finds. I have a habit of looking for anything old and oak and usually will buy iy if it is cheap. I got this chair and a matching smaller one for $25.

The dog above is my buddy Leo. I had to take him to the groomer yesterday. $100 later he was clean, mat free, and sporting a green bandana. I knew it was gonna cost a lot because he was a MESS> Chris did a great job with him and I guess the whole place got along well with him. The one girl said he is such a loving dog!!!!! UMMM I have many a person that he absolutely hates and he won't let them lay a finger on him. The poor Schwan man hides when he comes to the house because he thinks Leo is gonna break through the door and kill him.

It's a boy. Adam and Kristel have a baby due in July and it is a boy. So far everything checks out well which is a blessing. They are extremely happy and have been throwing out some names but I will leave those pronouncements to the happy couple. I like the names and would be happy with either.

The New Money Pit- well I guess we all get curveballs thrown our way. Just in different shapes and sizes. With the deluge of rain we got we found many many leaks in the roof of the house. Many Many leaks. The basement had a spot that water was just pouring in from. Buck and Adam got a temp. fix done there but the only fix for the roof is a new one. Buck, Luke, and Adam plan on tearing off the two or three layers of shingles that are on it now and then Jason will put down the new roof. Our theory of this is , we need help, and if your gonna pay someone, it might as well be family and Jason knows what he is doing so we are glad that at least we can trust the work of the person putting it back on for us.

Our weekend is filling up fast. TOO fast. Hopefully we get everywhere we are suppose to be on time etc. Oh well....better to be too busy than have nothing to do and no place to go.

I mailed out everything that I had to send yesterday. YEAH. I have a habit of not getting things where they need to be on time. I am actually sending out little care packages to Arabella. I bought here some Berenstain Bear books. She loves to have you read to her. She can have people read to her for hours on end....the same book for hours on end [ thumbellina} ...... so grandma and papa are sending out books every few days for her. I think she will love getting her own mail when mommy and daddy are opening theirs. I found this cool bubble envelopes that come in colors so it won't just be the ugly brown envelope.